paglipas ng isang tulog...

excerpts of an email i sent to my friends...

(it took me another day to gather all the interest to recant the sordid moment... drama affax.)
of course, id love to let you in the nitty gritty of things. haha.

so there, yesterday, late in the afternoon, i thought of checking on my work email... lo and behold, the "letter" i've been waiting for has finally arrived. honestly when i saw that i got something from our HR manager, i was having that "nervous" feeling, alam niyo un, parang facing the unexpected.

and. ayun nga, i didn't get in. of course, i'd be pretentious if i said that i wasn't saddened by the turnout. i was sort of expecting kasi that it would be my closest opportunity to be back home, be with my family, and of course, be with you guys. well, i guess God has far better plans for me.

i'm just grateful that i was able to prepare myself to both scenarios. and in the process, i learned to be faithful in waiting. it was truly a challenge. ang hirap pala ng naghihintay. you wouldn't know what God has in store, but again, you know at the back of your head that His plans laid are meant to prosper us, and not do us harm. even if things seem to not go your way. so ayun, i just did my best to be optimistic in things. faith really is some concept that is hard to internalize. promise. but it can be done.

anyway, to digress from all these, i sort of had an epiphany some days back. ewan, basta i had a mental picture of me doing the "secretary" work, and man, hindi ko kinaya. i guess, di ko naman kasi talaga gustong magwork as the assistant to the country director. i was just clinging to the fact that i could be close to home! well, i sort of felt that i was meant to do far greater things. diba, ang xaijua ay meant to lead and not be told by people lang. hanep sa confidence diba? wala lng, it's good to think kasi that we're here to do great things. and i sort of thought that my idealisms in terms of banking on kids' future wouldn't materialize if i'd just work as an assistant to some executive. and besides, ang dami ko pa talagang natutunan from my current post that it was actually hard for me to leave it. coz, basically, wala pakong nakikitang nangyayari kahit papano.

well, im not trying to sound too reformed ha. pero alam niyo yun, it's through this kind of work that i was able to see the beauty of our course and what we can really do in terms of helping people out. na ang FLCD ay hindi lang pang-mayaman. everyone has a right to such privilege. dito ko narealize na mas kailangan nila ng tulong natin. dito ko naramdaman ang pagka-UP student ko. that we were commissioned to give back to our country. and this is my own little way of doing that. sana lang, mas marami pa sa atin ang makarealize ng ganito. i mean, sana our dept would see that we shouldn't just be locked in the "box of preschool teaching"... mas maganda ang program natin if may community extension service. this would set us apart from the rest. dito makikita ang pagka-malupit ng mga taga-UP. hehe. quality education to those who truly need it:)

i thank God for xaijua. i'm proud that i'm part of this group. even if people somehow perceived us as "kikay" (si pie at loisee kasi e! haha.) they still feel that we were cut above the rest. even our teachers sensed na "malupit" ang batch natin. i wouldn't be surprised if one of us (if not all) would make a name for herself. kahit nasaang larangan tayo, we bring this certain air of greatness. it doesn't mean that we'd have to boast of it wherever and whenever, it's something that exudes our persona. hanep. i would like to hitch on tanya's quotation from doc gatmaitan. "mapalad ang mga bata na nandyan ka"... in this context, they're blessed that we are here. ang idealism ng bawat isa, ay mas napagtitibay dahil tayo ay magkakasama. we have this collective vision, and i just pray that it would materialize. (think about our dream NGO.. it can happen. we can make it happen)

o diba, kung san-san nako nakarating. anyway, i would just like to share that after the verdict, i somehow felt a new boost of energy. maybe God perceived that i still have unfinished business here. diba, He brings us to where we are now for a reason. we may not comprehend it at present, but these are all part of the great picture. maybe, i still have to learn a lot in this para i can share the experience whenever our NGO would come to fruition. sa totoo lang, instead of being dampened from the news and wallow. i somehow felt more inspired and more driven. the idealism (that i thought was waning) is starting to pick up pace. i feel renewed.

i'm not discounting the fact that shitty moments do exist. yes, it's forever present, but it's the way we handle them that matters. it's through those tough times that we are fortified. we should be shaken first before we burst with much fruit. ganyan dapat ang maging outlook natin sa buhay. and things would be better facilitated if we won't leave God out of it. yes, kaya natin ang mga pagsubok, kinakaya natin... but it's more comforting to know that we are not alone in this battle. again, i'm not trying to be preachy. i'm just sharing my experience here. God is real. and strengthening our faith in Him could really do wonders. try niyo. talk to God. maganda ang personal relationship with Him:) He'll meet with you, for He knows what's in your heart.

last na, natutuwa ako that our outreach project is very well on its way. i'm thankful for those kind hearts who were willing to help out. aaminin ko, i was a bit distant in helping you guys. pero overwhelming talaga ang response ng mga nalapitan ko:) ang galing. let's just pray that God would bless them (all of them) in heaps!:) i'll just be with you sweeties in spirit. take tons of photos ha? i'd love to see the whole thing. as in, blow by blow. haha.

so ayun. pre-valentine letter ba ito? not really. i bet you guys have super exciting plans on vday. diba, pie? hahaha. joke lng. -catch the hint of sarcasm? hahaha.

i'd love to hear from you. i demand that you make comments to this long letter. bwahahah.