MFEO...

...

to tell you quite frankly, my heart is breaking as write this entry.

Alfonso Tomas Araullo, aka Atom, has always been my biggest crush since i learned what the word meant. He was that dynamic kiddo in 5andUp. I remember, even planning to go for an audition in that show just so Atom would be within reach. (Yup, i'd like to think i've had such stalking tendencies. Haha!) Obviously, that plan didn't push through. So i just gazed at his boyish "beauty" in the confines of my room, as I spent much time watching tv.

Fast forward to college. My heart leaped when i found out I'd be studying in the same university he's in. Oh, the chance of seeing him, even bumping into him... Yes! Well, i think he was a couple of batches higher, but what the heck. Stealing glances at him, whenever I get the chance, really made my day... I reached "crush-hood heaven" when we became classmates in one of our GE classes, twas STS if I remembered it correctly. Well, the class was big, as in, audi-type huge, but still sharing about an hour and a half with him in the same room, two times a week, was elating. Haha! I'd like to believe that God was orchestrating something when our professor decided to go for group reporting, a huge bulk of our grade depended on it.

My mind started running, just thinking of the possibility that we could be in the same group. Think: meetings, brainstorming, after-school preps... the works! My friends incessantly prodded me to approach him and just ask the simple question, "Hi, Atom. Would you like to be our groupmate?" AND, being the "shy" girl that I was, I naturally chickened out.

Believe me, that "what-if" thought still haunts me to this day. I've still wondered what if I didn't chicken out, and mustered every ounce of courage to approach Atom and ask him to be our groupmate. We could've been friends to this day, well, acquaintances to say the least. But, I guess, God gave me the chance and I've let go of it. My bad.

Now that i've given you a bit of my (bitter) history. You wouldn't imagine how i felt and reacted when i found out that Atom and Patty are together, officially. Twas in GAME KNB? that Mr. Araullo spilled the bean, and yes, he's seeing someone, and it's Patty Laurel. (My world crumbled. And I've seen my slim chance dissipate into thin air. Goodbye, cruel world. I guess that's what you get for being ambisyosa... haha!)

Since then, I made a personal note to myself. Find Patty's blog and stalk her.

Don't get me wrong, I placed that on my list not to plant evil schemes on her, but I'd like to keep myself posted.

Well, as i visited her blog intermittently, I've learned that she's a fun-loving girl. And pretty much mababaw like me. She enjoys the simplest things in life. I have friends who have close ties with her so I'm not gonna go on bashing, for the life of me. Oh oh, she's a Southerner, so it's a plus. In short, I've grown fonder of her as she shared about mundane and quirky splices of her life.

I like the fact that she keeps her blog as honest and candid, like any "normal" person would. She shares about weird moments, her life's fancies, and of course, she spares a huge amount for her readers to pry about her "love life".

This specific entry, Who's Your Crush, really got me. Read on and you'll know what I mean.

Well, to this day, I officially concede to my lifelong dream. I guess, Atom and Patty were really meant for each other after all. It's just weird that she's living every girl's dream, well, she is living my dream, for that matter.

Let's just all wish them more years of togetherness. This couple really looks promising...

for what it's worth, I pray that in some cosmic universe, someone like Atom would cross my path. Lord, does Atom have a doppelganger ofsort? (I mean in the vernacular sense of the word, of course.) If so, please please please make our paths meet...

history does repeat itself....

i tried to "forget" the whole ordeal, but i guess, it'd just resurface until we both decide to call it quits.

reached out through ways i know how, but i can't force myself to get that "favorable" response. with all due respect, i accepted your decision to keep mum.

been away for about a couple of weeks and more days in counting. some say it's the best time to let it simmer. but still uncertainty looms on the day of my return.

for some weird reason, i rummaged into mementos. gahd, we've had some "history". i can't take away the fact that we are the closest of friends. that's why it hurts sooo bad.

i just hope (and pray) that days would be brighter. i can't bring myself to carry this rift.

for what it's worth, i want you to know that i still hold you dear to me.

if only the wind can take this whole thing away... how good is it to think that as we wake up, we'll never remember "that day" ever happened.

but sigh, those things only happen in fairy tales...