Liberate

There goes the balloon, with your name written on it.
It struggles against the wind, as if it wanted to break free.
Aimlessly, it floats in the sky, then I was told I was tugging it back.
Heaved a rather heavy sigh, prayed a silent prayer with tears in my eyes.
I opened my hand and the balloon slowly inched away. Released.
The balloon was released, it freely flew away.

It flew so faraway, far far away... and then a loud sound came. Pop!

(I woke up from a rather strange dream, I wonder what it means...)

To ponder, pensively...

Hmmm. Quite redundant if you ask me.

But seriously, have you ever caught yourself staring off?

As if in deep thought, but really there's nothing in your head?

Or have you wondered about the most trivial of things?

Searching for a philosophical retort?

Have you ever answered questions like...

What is the current phase of the moon?

Have you ever planted a tree?

How far is it to the nearest star?

Which way does the wind blow?

How deep is the nearest ocean?

Which way is up?

How far is it from time to time?

Couldn't really give you a straight answer, IF you ask me.

I might just shrug my shoulder. Or roll my eyes on you.

Or walk away? nah. too rude.

But to ask such things means you're pondering.

To ponder is to wonder at a deep level.

Searching for answers. Or simply unraveling new discoveries.

It's not the meaning OF life. It's the meaning IN life.

Instead of looking for answers, accept the answers being given you.

Am I making sense? I really don't know.

((Is this a side effect ofsort? Have I had too much Fulghum, it's seething through every fiber of my being? Haha, very funny.))

Here's another one...

Here's another one of those goodbyes.

But this one right here is well, temporary.

I need to sit this one out.

Give it some deep thought.

Set things clear.

PRAY. Think. Act.

Did I say, it's just temporary?

Mental note!

I had the most interesting conversation this morning.
Just when I was divulging certain snippets of my life,
a bit of those "dark" clouds started dissipating.

When will you ever learn? I was asked, several times.
When will I ever learn, I asked myself. When will I ever learn???

I believe that God creates those moments in our lives to teach us.
And He would plant them several times, until those things get through every crack of your stubborn brain. But it's more than just thinking about it, I need to step out and act...

Lord, help me trust in You.
I know that I don't share much about this side of life, but You see my heart.
You know what's in it, You know my desires.
Lord, shake me from my hardheadedness. I thank You for Your patience.
Help me. I'm willing to take the steps, the way You want me to...
Lead me. Help me see things the way You do.
Keep me still, allow me to hear, listen to you.
Take my heart...

Another one of those goodbyes...

25May2011, Wednesday
In one of my "discussions" with a friend.

So you haven't blogged for a while? How about those thoughts in your head? Your creative stories?
Well, they're just in a list. I feel so uninspired (to write).
Uninspired or busy? What inspires you to write then?
Hmmm. It just happens...

(Let's skip the other parts. Simply put, my friend "wrote" something and I thought of "using" it as an inspiration to complete this entry)

I think this friend somehow compelled me to write.
Write!

And I'm using his direct quote to cap this entry, as I'm saying goodbye and hello to certain bits of my life...



"So this is how it feels. I still recall every crack, every tack, every nick on the table. But I have to move on. Leave the past behind along with the people who hem me in. Freedom greets me at my new place replacing all the emotional turmoil I felt at my old place."

I had to do this to claim my peace, a grip on my sanity.
Give me my take on isolation. This is it for me.
I'm doing this halfheartedly, but I need to say goodbye.

Too melodramatic?
I know right?!?

and so I turned a year older...

I know that I should at least post a blog every year I turn "plus one".

So here it is.

I did nothing special. But spent the day spring cleaning, it was cathartic.

No themed parties, just a hefty meal with the family. Enjoyed from breakfast, lunch, til dinner. Not only that, I sat down and listed 27 things I'm grateful for.

I felt so blessed. Big or small things, God has been so faithful, I feel so loved.

(Contents would be kept in ambiguity, oh blimey! haha)

Oh, and to tell you quite frankly, I suddenly lost that eeeky urge to say "I'm a year older", begrudgingly.

Finally, I've matured. :)

I think.

I'm that old already?

One day, while I was out on field work. Some random person texted and asked me to talk at their career orientation.

"What? Is this serious?" (thinking out loud, yes. I wanted to retort, Am I that old already?)

Wait a minute, it's been 5 years since I graduated from college, is that enough ticket to be part of the panelists? I had a bit of hesitation, but knowing that my friendsss highly recommended me for this... and of course, it's a great honor to be invited and all, I said a hearty, YES! :)

And knowing how I am, I wanted to make my 30-minute stint memorable. So, yes, though crammed, I whipped up a montage of memories to serve as my AV as I talk.

Here's how it looks like

(well, i'm not sure if you'd see this, it's a slideshow whipped up on ppt. Click the link:D)

Then, we've answered numerous questions flying here and there. Twas an interesting experience. But the best part of it all, when those "kids" came up to me and said, "You've inspired me...", or "I really wanted to work for an NGO", or "I want to be like you when I grow up".

WOOOOOW! Well, some of it may not be their exact words, but they were close, as how I remembered them. I was blown away. God was full of quirky surprises, and I got so floored on this one. Who would've thought that my experiences would've led into this beautiful montage, a well-crafted story.

Indeed, God is amazing. And all I did was tread that unfamiliar path which opened countless doorways of new knowledge and experiences. The good part? Well, there's so much more to unravel!

Oh, I also thank my good friend, Tanya, my first ever friend in college, who helped me get this fun stint.

are we still in the 70s?!?

I usually deviate from political rants, but i can't let this one pass.

One early morning, emphasis on EARLY, on my way to work.
I overheard an interesting exchange over the radio, well, i often keep my opinions mum, especially when i travel early and hitch a ride.

But this day's news was beyond outrageous.
Do they seriously think giving away money would help defeat POVERTY?!?
Say, throw away Php 21 BILLION for a conditional cash transfer. Provide a measly amount per family to help them live the day?

What ever happened to old saying,
"Give man a fish and let him live a day. Teach him HOW TO FISH, and he'll live a lifetime."

Sometimes, I wonder what runs in the heads of the higher ups.
Can someone please tighten the screws in their moronic heads?
Good grief, everyone knows that this specific solution ain't the way to go.
Dole out is a definite no-no. It's never gonna hit the problem, and it ain't sustainable :(

It's been how long since our dear President sat in his post, and what has he been doing?
Misjudgments and whatnot. I wonder what would take place in the coming days.
(Yup, I'm not PRO-PNOY, but I'm trying to think logically and I'm saying these things as a concerned citizen.)


Lord, help us see the light and trust You in this. We love our country.
I love the Philippines, and it pains me to see us looking like this... Please let Your grace be upon us.

on a lazy Saturday...

I woke up this day on an unusual "perky" note.

Better max this juiced up mode.

So, as I was staring at our stash, a lightbulb moment came on!

ORGANIZE 'EM TRINKETS!

Oh yes, some of you might find this funny.

But to me, fixing, organizing, and arranging things is sheer heaven.

If only i'd have my own space to fix and label... it'd be paradise.

Haha.

Oh, and because I'm weird as is. I took snaps of this "fun" activity.

Check this link :)

here goes miss random...

what would you feel if everyone around you is tying the knot? or at least is planning to?

hmmm.

pressured?
confused?
frustrated even?

peaceful? are you for real?
yup, as surreal as it may sound, i'm saying peaceful.
i guess there's peace when you rest in His will.

things would fall into place in His time.
even if the pragmatic-me would say, you're just saying that 'coz you still got a lot of time.

well, that could be true. but I'm a firm believer that things come about if it is His will.
He sees our hearts, and knows our deepest desires, He loves us to top it all.

So, fear not.
Who knows you might be next...

history does repeat itself....

i tried to "forget" the whole ordeal, but i guess, it'd just resurface until we both decide to call it quits.

reached out through ways i know how, but i can't force myself to get that "favorable" response. with all due respect, i accepted your decision to keep mum.

been away for about a couple of weeks and more days in counting. some say it's the best time to let it simmer. but still uncertainty looms on the day of my return.

for some weird reason, i rummaged into mementos. gahd, we've had some "history". i can't take away the fact that we are the closest of friends. that's why it hurts sooo bad.

i just hope (and pray) that days would be brighter. i can't bring myself to carry this rift.

for what it's worth, i want you to know that i still hold you dear to me.

if only the wind can take this whole thing away... how good is it to think that as we wake up, we'll never remember "that day" ever happened.

but sigh, those things only happen in fairy tales...

when surreal things seemed so real...

it's odd.
i dreamt of you after x number of years.

didn't even know how i got into the picture.
twas like a bizarre scene from a movie that just popped out, unexplained.
the plot. the proverbial meet ze famille.
twas weird altogether.

there was this falling out bit. it pinched my heart.
but wasn't as immense as i remembered.
it's as if i couldn't care less...

could this be a premonition?
a "formal" goodbye? maybe...

just when i thought things were crystal clear.

((I say: i just felt like putting this in writing. cathartic? maybe, i don't know...))

BOOSTER!

...
you probably had too much PEP blood run through your veins. even mentioned your head ringing from all the giddy cheers, and prolly the sound of the snare and bass drums.

greeted me in a perkier demeanor. (adik!)
"hung-over?" i asked.

oh, and if that's not enough, you wanted to mimic ze squad.
so you inquired, "so how's your thing going?"
i bragged about being "ahead" schedule.
(wasn't really the reply you were expecting, i presume.)

then you blurted out that lightbulb moment of yours.
i quipped, "go ahead do your cheer..."
"you wouldn't see the hand movements" you retorted.
"draw it?" i slightly suggested.

to cut the story short. you took the hint "seriously".
and came up with this "crude" product (well, as you put it, being meek and all). it's amusing, i must say.
and yup, it did help lift my spirits. naks:)


astig siya, and it's an understatement.
thanks a bunch!

finders, keepers

"when you find them. you gotta keep 'em!"

i'm almost turning two in this (not so) new world.

and whenever i look back on memories and fondest moments, God seem to lead me to the friendships i've built along the way.

and so i just felt like dedicating this whole blog to you, my twinny^^

we came in together in this new world. a bit uncertain with the people around us.

you, being the natural conversationalist, started to chat. and things welled up from there. from commute-buddies, we discovered how we shared the same interests in movies, fashion, and whatnot.

i love doing cheap thrills with you, and exploring our "peculiar and artsy" taste on things.

though seasons weren't always rosy and daisy, we tried to put our differences aside and be the bigger (wo)man. we took our opinions at face value and respected each other's take on honesty. we've "matured" in this friendship together, and I thank the Lord for that.

(yes, i wouldn't delve into the horrid details)

i like how we're learning to become sensitive to each other's idiosyncrasies. friendship does mean adjusting, yielding, and understanding. i appreciate your generosity be it on things big or small. you are one thoughtful friend, and i wouldn't know how to repay your kindness.

and as we turn two (in two months), i pray for God to just bless the work of your hands. May He hold your heart so that it'd remain pure and passionate for His service. Continually touch people's lives and share that positive vibe.

(bawal na ang emo. or sobrang analytical... haha!)

May He grant your heart's desires and enlighten you to His perfect will.

Hang tight, His promises would blow you away ^^

Oh dearie, i just felt like putting pieces together. Aack, cheesy much?!?

Let's take more snaps when we hang(out) for docu purposes. ha-ha!

I thank God for giving you as my soul sister, a trusty confidante, an honest konsensya, and saying that we're really good friends is definitely an understatement.

Here's to more odd-ventures! (pretend we're holding flutes with champagne...clink)

i wish i'm still a teenager.

in moments like these, i sometimes wish i'm still a teener.
HELLOOOOO, SUMMER VACAY!!!!!!!!

in the spirit of (much) vanity

do you still remember my previous post?
well, if you keep track of my whatnots, this would seem a tad familiar.
yup, the early part of this year, i sorta posted options for my new haircut.
and so i headed to toandj, and tried their services out of sheer curiosity.

i was giddy. giddy-excited. i've always wanted to try new things, and hair-o-glyphics is definitely part of the list. and so there i was, waiting for my turn. thank God twing tagged along, i wouldn't survive the jitters if not for her. imagine, sitting there for more than an hour just so you could get your hair nipped. gah, so much for "vanity".

i was secretly practicing what to say. well, 'cos apparently, the stylist is pure korean and i wouldn't want things to get lost in translation. haha. OC-much, i know. i brought photos just so i could explain myself better.

and there he was, examining my hair. its strand, bounce factor and whatnot. oh, and he was sorta perplexed. apparently, he couldn't understand why i'm opting for the "natural look" when everyone around me was battling for stick-straight hair. i even remember him saying "all curly?" and i proudly said, a big, fat "YES!"

oh, he strongly recommended one of my top3 options. i was so elated. i can feel my cheekbones rising. haha.


(fyi: i actually wanted (1) nicole richie's hairstyle. (2) ze style he chose. (3) that kor-look, lower left corner)

i sat on the beauty chair, awe-stricken. wow, so much for edward scissorhands-ish talent.
i literally saw parts of my hair fly off, as he speedily goes through them, part by part.
i couldn't wait to see the results. anticipation got the best of me, after a quick 15-minute snip showdown, my hair was done! i couldn't be more happier (more na, happier pa!).
i got the cut i want at a much lower price (yup, thanks to the Christmas season, they had salon promos^^)

mission accomplished! i left toandj with a big smile on my (pretty) face. ha-ha! a satisfied customer?
DEFINITELY! i think i've found home.

oh here's the result (pardon my camwhore merments).




can i just say, it's been three months since i had that cut, and i'm still loving my hair... very much! weeeee^^

here and there

i once was told that i write in my blog sporadically.

as much as i want to update my good ole friend,

time seems to be an elusive element.

i write for more reasons than one.

i write to keep my senses awake (well, this usually happens at work)

i write to release work tension (noticed digression comes during crunch time).

i write to blurt out pent emotions (be it happy, sad, glad, mad. ha-ha)

i write when i feel i can't talk to people (at least for the time being)

i write about my observations, opinions, and whatnots.

i write because i feel i express myself better this way.

i write not because i'm EMO.

i write because i want to.

there are tons of things i want to write.

write about:

(1) recent kikay purchase (hello, pricey 2-in-one powder)

(2) trip to the toandj salon

(3) rekindled relationship with a twin ^^

(4) ze day i turned a year older (but wiser, i hope)

more to come, you wish!

((i say: all i read was WRITE. ha-ha))

And the clock strikes twelve!

A few minutes more and I'm officially 26. Yup, two-six, indeed.

A year older, so what?

Year after year, I'm beginning to accept the fact that yes, we turn a year older.

Yes, we may be a year wiser. But no, we don't need to look our age. :)

As I'm putting a cap to this special day, some of my friends are still here loungin'.

But since this birthday post is a requisite, allow me to sit and click away.

I've been so blessed with friends. Thanks to technology, they've been more generous with their greetings. (But I still miss those days you get countless calls from your friends, as they greet you a joyous, Happy Birthday, and ask, so, what are you having? Oh, good old days.)

Anyway, here are some sweet notes and what nots from my friendly friends :)

Here's one:

another...

and another...

but wait there's more... What's a birthday, without a celebration right?

So, there... Just waiting a few minutes till the clock strike 12:01!

Hello to me, only a year older :)

Happy Birthday!

twas official! ^^

sometime between january and february.
i was out in the mall, frolicking in an unfamiliar territory.
yup, i used to be a "make-up phobe". i get dizzy when kikay discussions deepen and all.

but i guess i have to shun my old ways and face the fact that...
number one: i'm a girl
number two: i'm slowly getting into "womanhood"
number three: that make-up is part of life
number four: i have to learn how to do it myself
number five: DOING MAKE-UP IS A LIFE SKILL (i should internalize).

and so like a baby learning how to walk. i tread to the shop i've been eyeing on.
VMV Hypoallergenics. and stayed there to orient myself.
in all honesty, i've been very much convinced on their line of products, BUT apparently, they're not that "pocket-friendly". gah, the costs you have to pay for having (hyper)sensitive skin.

so with a much convinced mind but tight-fisted hands, i bought my first KIKAY purchase with my eyes shut. (my heart was racing, my mind rambling... thoughts of stuff i could buy with that sum of money flowed through me. waaah! i must resist, i must... kaching!)

and since this is very monumental to my simple life. i took the liberty to take snaps of it.
(cos i'm sentimental like that. haha!)