6.23.2005

status: single

status: single (since birth???)

"may boyfriend ka na ba?"

i just get a little irked whenever people ask me this question... especially when it comes from boys.
bakit ba??? oo na! single na kung single. it's my choice, and i'm loving it! - i know, i sounded defensive.

how should i put this..
i'm NOT a man-hater. i looove boys!!! haha.. it's just that i don't see myself in a serious relationship right now.
i remember some guy telling me this, "wala kang boyfriend kasi takot ka sa commitment."
to think that he hasn't seen me in a long time. can people really tell if someone is afraid of commitments???
hmm.. just a thought. am i sending a "vibe" that i can't handle any of those serious things related to boy-girl relationships??
as pathetic as it may seem, i would like to believe that is half-true:(
i couldn't actually picture myself being soo lovey-dovey with someone.
kadiri! haha.

PDA is so not my thing! - oopsie, wag magsalita ng tapos...
maybe i'm just a bit cynical because i haven't really gotten into a serious relationship.
don't get me wrong, i had my shot(s) at love.. but it didn't really last and i was young then.

shot # 1: may gatas pa sa labi

i was young then.
12 and in 6th grade.. i didn't know what i was doing. he was my bestfriend and became my "boyfriend".. out of pity. it was a wrong move. the relationship didn't last. but our friends told me that he had loved me so dearly. i didn't feel the same way. i transferred school. we lost touch. he had a lot of girlfriends after me. but he still tried to stay in touch, and was very vocal about rekindling our "friendship". i shut the door. declined every offer he had made. i'm sorry. but that book has been closed a long time ago.

after some years, someone new came into my life...

shot # 2: what might had been..

i was the new kid at school.
didn't have much friends at first.
i saw him. he was out of my league. he liked a friend of mine, since he was in 5th grade.
they were an "item". i tried to get close to him by teasing them. it was fun, him not knowing that i like him.
come our sophomore year. his feelings for my friend starts dwindling. and he saw me in a different light.
i didn't know how to react. he started calling me at home. tried to get to know me more.
it became our weird saturday routine. feelings have unfolded. yet he acts rather peculiar when we're in school, it's as if he doesn't know me.
he likes me, i like him.. the feelings we have are mutual. everyone at school started to notice. onlookers thought we were an "us". but we weren't. this lasted until senior year. our friends thought that we would eventually be a "couple".... but things turned out differently.

oh well... people change, feelings fade away. the memories i've had with him are kept in a special place. there were no hard feelings. we're now close as we'll ever be. he's my confidante, i am his. come to think of it, that was all i wanted.. to be his bestfriend.. and nothing more.

he now lies happily in someone else's arms, while i still await for my white knight to come...


... so, mabalik tayo sa tanong na.... "bakit wala ka pa ring boyfriend?"
let's just say, i'd rather wait for God's best than go through another heart-wrenching love story. i'm in no hurry. i believe that my time will come. patience is a virtue, ika nga.
meron namang mga "nag-aapply".. i'm sorry if i'm putting them off. ayoko kasing magpaasa.

my friends say that i have high standards! tama lang, diba? i deserve the best! God's best!:D
for those who are curious, i have kept a mental list of my type of guy (note: things may change over time)

MY TOP 10 LIST!!!
1. he must love God with all his heart (yep, Christian! it's a given:D)
2. smart - more on streetsmart than booksmart. (you don't have to be a genius, honey!)
3. chinito!!!! haha.. im a sucker for chinky-eyed guys -.-
4. may direction ang buhay.. goal-oriented! (secured ang future:D)
5. family man.. loves his family (coz i looove mine, too!)
6. a good conversationalist plus, may sense of humor (coz i'm a bit shy.. hehe. so that he'll bring out the best in me.. and happiness always!)
7. romantic (ano ba to?? duh! i don't mean the mushy type.. yung tama lang.)
8. gets along with people (ang hirap ng mahiyain, walang mangyayari.
goes hand-in-hand w/ # 7, right??)
9. practical (maabilidad! sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, ang hirap ng gastador!)
10. creative (ma-gimmick! i mean, i would definitely love to be swept off my feet.. once in a while.. haaay)

******
mababaw factors:
dapat may car. knows how to play musical instruments. poet or artist. doesn't have to be super gwapo.. as long as i find him attractive!:D tall.. haha! thin na may muscle - lean! ah, that's a better word! neatfreak :D - mamatay ako if he's my complete opposite.. OC-ness!


hehe.. bakit ako single????
i guess i still hadn't found the one man God has for me.. and he still hasn't found me!
and when that day comes, i believe that it'll be the suh-weetest day of all!:D


so, when i'm asked this....

STATUS: ...
SINGLE AND LOOOVING IT!!!!


OH SOOO FABULOUSSSS:D


LIFE... I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOOOOVE IT!!! :*

6.16.2005

school blues

SCHOOL BLUES...


'twas my first day at my "job". (the word job being put in quotation marks, has a whole different story)
as i was on my way home, riding the mrt-southbound, i saw this group of friends sharing stories as if there was no tomorrow. so, i figured, "mga taga-UP to!"
UP students lang naman ang nagkwe-kwentuhan na parang walang ibang tao...
then i started hearing words that were very much familiar to my ears.. UP people nga ang mga kasabay ko.

thanks to them, i started reminiscing about my good old days in school. (miday!!! hello??? ilang months ago pa lang yon, exagge ka!) seriously, thoughts started to surge through my mind.. happy thoughts, memorable ones, xaijua moments... ah, the UP life! ewan ko ba, but that moment, i felt like going back to school! am i really up for the challenge of the "real world"??? weird na kung weird, but i felt so torn right then and there. naiiyak nga ata ako kasi parang ang bilis ng pangyayari. dati estudyante lang ako, pero ngayon, employed na at sumusweldo.

baka nga hang-over lang to.. imagine, after 14 years of going to school, i've finally set off and i'm actually working. seems surreal, right? that's how life works pala.

oh well.... school blues. i miss my friends- the xaijua goddesses... the UP life that i have truly lived and loved. the things i've learned.. at home, in and out of school, are now put to the real test... will i survive this new world that i'm traversing??? only God knows.

one day, i'll go back and hit the books.... i'm planning to study abroad... NYU perhaps. (Lord,please.)

6.10.2005

peace!

status: world changer

i don't know where it all started, perhaps it was God who planted this dream or goal in me. what is it? well, it is a dream to take part in "making our world a better place to live in"... sounds noble, indeed. parang pang- Miss Universe. come to think of it, people with such desires are like pearls. they're rare. allow me to be "nerdy" for a little while... but there's this very evident fact that people with such earnest desires, as they say, are already in the actualization part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. hindi nman ako nagbubuhat ng sariling bangko, pero feeling ko, i'm slightly there at the "actualization" slice.

we all have our own ideologies and advocacies... things that we strongly believe in. for me, that would be something related to and with children and the environment. in fact, my cousin and I have this "end goal" which is leaning towards the children's welfare. we would want to establish a foundation to be able to help out those kids that weren't fortunate enough. pero siyempre, we have to be ultra rich to be able to fulfill that goal. give us about 15-20 years... only God knows when.

i believe that the things we want and aspire do not happen overnight. there are steps towards the achievement of our goals. trials may arise as we traverse the path, but with God's grace, they can be made easier and better... all we have to do is to press on towards the goal and persevere.

so ano bang point ko? ang point ko lang naman ay ito... natutuwa ako kasi kahit papano, nagkakaroon ng katuparan ang mga aspirations ko sa buhay. i'm just so proud to say that right now, i'm going to take part in an international non-government organization which has advocacies related to our environment, GREENPEACE . i believe that i would gain much experience from such kind of work. i am seriously excited for it. desire ko kasi to learn new things through exposure to various cultures and workfields... and becoming a member of Greenpeace is a great start!:)

i'm starting my training on tuesday. i don't know what to expect. actually the interview that i had with them was rather unconventional. but it was an enriching experience. the job that i'll have with them is also something i've never done in my entire life. i'm preparing myself for it. pakapalan na 'to ng mukha... lakasan ng loob.
"I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength."

(yan ang magmismistulan kong "mantra"... pero di ako naniniwala sa mantra e. declaration ko ang verse na yan!)

i believe that i am here for a purpose. God has called me for a greater calling. I AM A WORLD CHANGER... and i know that i am fulfilling it, one step at a time.

GREENPEACE ngayon, ano naman bukas? basta, ang pinakamahalaga ay nakakatulong ako sa ikabubuti ng ating mundo at lipunan... at ang end goal? ang foundation namin ng mahal kong pinsan na si Maiya.

ikaw,
world changer ka ba?
naiintindihan ko na gusto mong magpayaman upang magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan ang magiging pamilya mo. pero sana naman, ibahagi mo ang iyong kaginhawaan sa iba. makibahagi sa mga
worthy cause. come on, think about it...

6.06.2005

drama...

current mood: melodramatic

melodramatic... everything seems to fall right into that state...
the sound of rain... rustling leaves... music playing slowly and emphatically... piercing through my emotions... thoughts flying...

i feel so weird right now, i'm not exactly uber happy and neither am i up for some sap-fest.
there was this instance when i almost shed a tear... what is wrong with me?
lyrics to songs seem to say what's in my head... but i really don't think they make all that sense to me.

what IS wrong??? i need to get some air. i think i'm being locked in far too long...

pour kax... et everyone else!:D

rekindled friendships and a whole lot more:)

the good...
i love my friends. though it may seem that i only have a handful. the friendships that i keep are the ones that truly help me get through life.



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kax et moi:)
i'm just glad that after some years, my friendship with an ex-bestfriend has been, as they say it, rekindled. i don't know how it happened... it was just a realization we both had. we're more tight-knit than ever!!! we are a living testimony to the "saying", opposites attract. kax is more of the outgoing type while im her complete opposite.. haha.. introvert ako.. si kax, sanay sa boys.. ako hindi... and the list goes on... but despite these facts, we love each other. we're cousins, we're bestfriends, we're sisters:)
****
kax, thanks for being there for me... even if i know that you're sometimes weirded out by the things i do. i appreciate your efforts for talking some sense into me. funny how i take "lessons" from you when it comes to "love and what not"... haha.. dumb-dumb ako sa aspetong yan. i do hope that our "bestfriendship" is for keeps na talaga... mwah


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the coolest ppl.. brx:)
I truly hold these seven ass-kickin' girls dear.. we're more than cousins, i treat them as my sisturrs. We've been through a lot, but what can we do, blood is, indeed, thicker than water. Sorry if this would sound cheesy, but i really can't picture myself existing without them:( I have been so blessed to be born in a tight-knit clan... i love all of my 27 (if i counted it right) cousins:) We are such a fun-loving and wacky bunch. Laugh trips, cheap thrills, "whappakan sessions", road trips, impromptu parteys, countless sleepovers... i would never get tired of hanging out with my family... a funk-ey barkada that's too good to be true. here's to more years of togetherness:)

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my highschool sistahs:)
these girls made my stay at CHA a lot more tolerable (hehe, as if)... i'm soo blessed to have such a well-rounded barkada... para kaming fruit salad... iba-iba ang personalities pero rock pa rin kung magkakasama. i was such a "bully" back then... funny how i got into fights with almost everyone in our group (well, except for carmel and loula), but they were still patient with me..
thanks, gurlies, for putting up with my mood swings.. hehe.
i just love them sooo much.. i wish we could have reunions as much as we want to!!! i had a blast during the most recent one (JUNE 1! )... thanks, jamie
for treating us to dinner.. hehe.. kahit medyo napasubo ka.
****
basta, i love y'all..
carmel, jamie, mitchie, marez, hans, loula, and ics.. you, guys, truly are the best!!!:)

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xaijua! i damn miss you, girls:(
these girls made my college life a looot more fun and vibrant!!! sabihin niyo nang makapal pero, kami ang pinaka-malupit na group sa flcd:) we do not only possess inherent beauty, but we have the smarts as well:)... xaijua goddesses ang mga nasa top ng batch:)
i just love my friends for they have brought out the best in me. we all believed in each other's potentials:) i didn't realize that i would miss them this badly... especially dennise amanda.. for she left the country for good:(
****
dennise was one of the first few friends i had in college... our friendship was more on the love-hate type, but we managed to stick by each other, nonetheless. we have kept each other's deepest, darkest secrets... shared the affinity for something that we didn't dare speak off in public (did i just hear myself mutter, meteor garden??)... laitera queens rin kami. basta, ang dami naming mga bonding moments na parang ngayon ko lang talaga na-realize... what's important is that the memories are still kept in a special place and our friendship is still aflame:)
****
well, we are now leading our own separate lives.. but i still hope that one day, we'd all get together and share about our experiences. make time for this special moment, amidst our busy skeds... we have made a lot of plans... go abroad to travel, go to BORA (for real na), establish our pre-school (Tenacious Corp na to!), be the godmother of each other's children (hehe.. this just popped out of my head).... basta, nakakamiss talaga. It's weird how you got used to hanging with them for four long years.. and all of a sudden, we are now doing things on our own... haay.. how fast time flies... sometimes i wish that i could turn back time... and just spend a few moments on those good old days.. (eek.. i sounded soooo old.. haha)


the not-so good...
i honestly didn't know what to call this part of "rekindling friendships" e... don't get me wrong. it is not my intention to sound rude, okay?
oh well, i know that i'm supposed to be happy coz one of my childhood friends are now being friends with me again... it feels weird how he's suddenly chummy. wala lang.
i'm just a little confused coz i didn't want to think that he's only after something, after all, may pinagsamahan kami.. we used to be playmates, busmates, schoolmates, and what not...

so, ang pangit naman atang lagyan ng malisya diba? ang pangit naman kung mag-assume ako... i'll just lead myself into a major disappointment if i'd do that!!
basta, i'm just a little confused coz my cousins are leading me into such hypothetical thoughts.. grrr... ang hirap talaga!!! plus, he has this friend who's joining the "bandwagon of chumminess" pa.. (am i coining words?? oh well..)
ano ba to???!!???
****
miday, snap out of it!!! wag ka ngang praning.. let them be.. if they want to be friends with you, so be it... wala namang mawawala sa'yo e... magkaka-friends ka pa sa village. no more miss prissy/bitchy/tarayqueen/suplada... try to be nice for once!!!

oh well, totoo.. nakakapagod na ngang magtaray.. i've been doing that for as long as i can remember... no wonder, i have but few friends (tsk tsk)... how will you learn to mingle with the opposite sex when you always put them off??? takot sa lalake??? oh come on, stop making that lame excuse!! loosen up.. hehe.. kahit konti lang.
****
so much, for analyzing my own situation...
tama, i have to add a pinch of niceness into my system.. it's never to late to change... i'm doing this for my own good!!! get a grip, and stop doing your old defense mechanism.. try to see the goodness that the people around you have... meron rin yan, kahit konti:)
****

friendships are essential to human existence... you become friends for a reason... trust your instinct on that... these people are made to complement the things that you already have... we are all pieces to a big puzzle... it just takes time for us to find that perfect piece... to complete the bigger picture...:)


6.01.2005

flipflops


havaianas... yeah baby:) Posted by Hello

i love flipflops...i get excited whenever i see cute pairs of 'em... oh well, as weird as it may sound... it is my dream to own a pair of havaianas... preferrably something similar to that photo on top. the practical side of me is always battling whenever i desire to get one of my own. the steep price of these infamous slippers is truly something noteworthy. okay fine, kuripot na kung kuripot!!! but i think it's just a bit impractical to spend your money on these rubber slippers when you can use it on things far more important.
**i'm trying to make sense out of things. **
i have nothing against those who have tons of the said footwear.. hehe. kanya-kanya lang yan ng interests and investments:)
oh well, i hope that i would get a hold of at least a pair... wala lng, just so i can say that i have completed my flipflop-collection:) (barok ba? which sounds better that or this: flipflops collection?? hehe)... that would happen... when i get my first paycheck.. hopefully:)