kudos

"the test of your character is what you would do if you knew no one would ever know"

"i'm super proud of you. kaya i told mom how u responded to the situation with maturity beyond your years.."

"i feel so so proud sa strongness mo... stay strong! i love you!:* "

"success in a relationship is not about finding the right person BUT becoming the right person..."

"Life must go on and know that GOD has a purpose in everything that had happened in your life and be thankful that you also experienced that and see the treasure in it..."


*******

days after that sorta heart-wrenching "meet".
i'm here and intact. and managed to be back in my own sanity.

i admit. i did feel like crying. but what can i do, i can't seem to shed a tear?!?
yes, i had my fair share of the "saddening" moment. and we were both well aware of it.

i guess. pain was truly part of the learning process.
call it emotional "maturity". being able to cope with the situation that easily.

BUT i'd like to see it as something i've grown accustomed to.
i don't intend to be preachy. but i think, the very reason behind that speedy coping mech
is my optimism.
being positive. but not on my sole efforts. but it's more on acknowledging that i have A BIG GOD Who's forever in charge.

instead of "running" to people. venting to my support group. i cried to Him. asking why i'd have to go through the same shiiet.

well. yes, it was sulking. but it was purposeful coz i poured it all to dear Daddy. (Who sees everything up there)

it took me a day or two to wallow. then i recanted every single moment to whomever was worthy of my trust.

i'd like to thank you for being there. thanks for the patience. the understanding.

thank you for your timely messages. your own words of encouragement. it did help me a lot:D

this is a shared victory.

i know that mom and dad are so so so proud of me. i've earned their trust. and to me, that is something irrevocable.

i've gained my sisters' confidence. they don't say much, but i can feel it.

every one who knows me. who knows my situation. knew how tough things were. and i thank them for keeping their minds open. and for NOT tolerating any of it. you guys are truly the bestest friends one can find. thanks for giving me a hard knock on the head. it was well worth it!:D

kudos.
to my parents for the values you've taught me.
to my sisters (cousinhood included) for not telling on me. (teehee)
to my friends for helping me weigh things.

and most of all, kudos to me.
coz at the end of the day, everything boils down to how i managed the situation.
me being right smack in the middle of it.
thank God, that little voice in me was too strong to resist.
i knew that was God telling me that there was something not-so right in the "seemingly" perfect situation i WAS in.


as i said, it was heart-wrenching. but it was well worth it in the end.
life is not just about rainbows and butterflies. the sheer beauty of it is seen in how you manage to see a dab of color in a bleak and murky scenario. then work your way from there.

oh yeah, i had last few straws of "troubling" thoughts prior to this. it hasn't been settled. but he said that he'd like to talk things with me (i believe for the last time. please be it the last). then i can say, that i am entirely free.

emancipation. is a process. i know that i'm getting there. one sweet step at a time.