limbo

sunday blunder
2.33 in the afternoon. i sit in front of "my" unit.
sorting my thoughts. assessing my feelings.
what is wrong with me?

... is it a heavy heart? disgruntled mind? weary spirit?
palpitating. because of the tumbler-sized tea i mustered all the way down my throat.
i feel like breaking into a tear. for a reason i still don't know.

i've been on a limbo for days i could no longer count.
days turned into weeks. weeks into months. then months...
thank God, didn't reach into years, JUST YET.

emo.
yes, you can say that i am. but this is more than the usual drama-rama.
and i'm not much of "drama queen" either. this emotional roller coaster's starting to get to me.

in ways. unusual ways. that i couldn't even fathom. (heaved a heavy sigh)

intermittent breakdowns.
i bawl. in the middle of the night. in the car. on my way to nowhere.
distant gazes. shivers. lips quiver. tears starting to leak. on the sides. shaken into nothingness.
silence. sheer silence. walls crumbled. and that was it for me. tears welling.
inner me cries out. cries her heart out. my old self yearns. calling out an SOS.
but i gave her no attention. no more time for drama. there are far more important things i need to do.

melancholia. could no longer keep it in. a total breakdown. in the middle of a group discussion.
embarrassment. i felt so flustered. comfortable strokes on my shoulder. tears welled even more.
questions flying everywhere. concerned people were trying to process the whole situation.
what is wrong with me?

still undefined. what could be the key? for "total" emancipation?

maybe. just maybe.
it's time for you to come home...