mind is blank

People say that i am sensible.
I can sense that I am.
seem to find meaning in things.
A head person, you can consider me as that.
Analytical. rational. logical. pragmatic.
yes. yes. yes. to all of those.

Even if it may seem that i am a hard nut to crack.
There's this part of me which yearns to be taught. guided into the intricacies that is life.
I often catch myself zoning. Journeying to a place I never thought I could reach.
No, it's not daydreaming.
But i do get a kick on pulling scenarios that may or may not take place.
yes, it is weird. but that's just how it is.
That's just how i am.

There's this one thing I know that i'm bafooned about, well, aside from math and anything with numbers and symbols. It is that topic that we are most fond of. You know what i am talking about, yes, that's it. That's the very thought that I seem to be at a loss. No matter how i try to understand, i grow even more confused.

A broken record. that's what this is.
But you have to give this to me. so that i could at least unleash these blundering thoughts.
I do not wish to be enlightened, coz i'm not even sure if i could be.
You could give me unsolicited advice. in the hope that it will get into me.

I am a bit hesitant. to blurt things out. why? coz i am pretty sure that i'd hear grunts.
Distasteful remarks like, "no, not again!" but i guess you can just do the math.
You know perfectly where and what I'm driving at.

Why is that that love is a topic that i could never understand?
"you'll know when you know."
"you'll feel that it's true."
"you can tell..."
statements that bring a huge question mark right smack in the middle of my face.

I guess it's true that some things should be left unexplained. That it's better felt than said.
I'm not even sure when i'll allow myself to feel again. Well, it comes. it's just there...
The giddiness. shallow laughs. the aww's and how sweet's. the cringing of the face (not because of disgust)
but at the end of the day, i'm still the denial queen that I am.
Why can't things come down from my head? Why do i let them get stuck in the warrened paths of my brain?
It should go down from the head to the heart. Yes, i know that. I know the whole concept pretty well.

To know is one thing. and TO DO is another...

when would i be all that willing to take the risk?