11th of May. On guard.

i know. this may come as a shock to you.but because of our morning discussion, i just felt like writing this email as a form of reaction to everything said and told. o diba, may difference ba yun?

anyway, nakakatamad kasing magreply sa text. ang sakit sa kamay. mega-explain diba? and yeah, this one, you could keep if you want. iprint mo pa para remembrance. haha. feeling. anyway, it seemed pretty obvious that i'm digressing from my main objective.

i'll try to keep things as concise as possible so that you wouldn't be that hassled in reading everything.

when i woke up this morning, and saw that i had a morning message. checked who it was, and alas, it was you. it was one of those "special and personalized" greetings. well, the "theme" was the usual, but then again, it gave a smile on my face coz the gesture was sweet altogether.

oo, for your benefit. mukhang may natural ka ngang ka-sweetan. and again, i admit na malambing ka nga. natatawa ako kapag binabara kita about it. tapos hihiritan moko ng ganon. parang hirap na hirap kang mag-explain. it's not that i laugh at your suffrage, but the whole thought of it was in itself funny.

just the same, na pinagtatawanan mo ang mga quirky moments ko. hindi ko mafigure-out kung bakit siya funny. ultimo mga irap and stuff, how did that become funny? haha. oh well, ang masasabi ko lang ay, mag-ingat ka. kasi baka madala ka sa psychiatric ward kapag may nakahuli sayo na bigla na lang natatawa at napapangiti ng walang dahilan. i guess, your memory bank of me (ang kapal diba) is almost full to the brim. when you state facts and evidences of even the smallest of scenarios, i wanted to shrink. why? because it's embarrassing. i didn't realize that everything i did had sortof left a mark. i'm not sure if its considered flattery, but it sort of makes me feel uncomfortable. i know that it's not intentional, and your just stating the obvious (well, at least for you, it is). siguro, i just have to learn to take things coolly.

i remember a guy friend saying, "diba dapat sanay ka na sa mga hirit from boys". (kasi nahiritan rin niya ako, kwento ko na lang 'to next time. a whole different story) well, i'm not sure when i'll really learn to take things well. siguro may dahilan rin talaga yung di ko naiinternalize lahat. but coming from you kasi, na ang dami na nating pinagsamahan. i know that you're not out there to play tricks on me. we started as friends, and thank God we still are. so why would i make such a big fuss out of this diba? siguro, i just wanted to make things clear. when people ask me about our situation. i tell them that we are friends. as showbiz as it may sound, but we are naman talaga diba? well, yes, there's this obvious fact that you have something. but oh well, why would we build on that? nasabihan rin ako na, "why don't you consider gettting in a relationship with him?" well, i guess, di ko talaga yan iniisip. and besides, i'm not even sure if i'm willing to take such a risk. baka mamaya, things would be different between us. and i wouldn't want that. and if we'd bank on the thought of it, baka mailang lang ako altogether. pero diba, as we've discussed this earlier, i was weirded out, with myself predominantly, because i suddenly learned to be civil with "them" instead of running the other direction. i would like to believe that everything is a learning process.

are you getting anything from this? coz i'm not even sure if i'm still on the right track. words just seemed to come out. and i couldn't filter them, let alone organize these blurbs. ang sinasabi ko lang ay, na-aappreciate ko yung mga kwento mo, ung mga scenarios na sinasabi mo. things that i never realized had an inch of impact in your life. minsan nga, nahihiya ako kasi ang lupit ng memory mo. minsan naiisip ko, "shucks. pati ba yung mga yun, naaalala pa niya." and i want to be honest, yung mga ibang kwento mo, di ko na natatandaan. you have a knack for details (tinalo mo ako. hehe.) and i admire you for that. grabe, pag nagka-girlfriend ka. super mamahalin ka non. kasi girls are into details diba? so the chance of you fighting over little things would be close to none. (congrats sayo!) o diba, inimagine ko na ang future mo. i'll help you pray that you'd meet her. in God's time. be optimistic, someone has been destined for you, just seek God first:) i thank God for our friendship. at kahit ilang beses ko pang sabihin yun, i'm sure that it wouldn't be enough. thanks for your life. for making me realize that being real close friends with boys is plausible. you just have to learn to guard each other's hearts.

parang kung saan-saan na napunta ang pinagsasabi ko. basta, siguro, ganito na lang. if you think what you'd say would make me "freeze" or go into a "stoic stance", don't say it na lang. (or regulate it kung di mo kayang wag sabihin) i'm not being a hypocrite ha, it feels good to get words of affirmation every once in a while. pero kasi if we'd do that all the time, we're not guarding each other's hearts. basta, you weigh things before you say them. imagine-in mo how i'd react. kasi gugulo ang sitwasyon natin. you know how much i analyze things. and if you care about my disposition, you wouldn't cause too much headaches. haha. joke lang. but, for all it's worth... i appreciate the sincere words that you say. thank you for your kind words. i know that it's not flattery, but facts vented. salamat for your honesty.

you take care, my dear friend. live life. keep up the fight!>:D<