another one of those lucid dreams

for some weird reason. you suddenly decided to shut me off your world.

oblivious. aloof.
been wracking my head. what the hell did i do wrong this time?!?
gahd, i can't think of any.
swallowed my pride. tried my darn best to reach out to you.
and no, this is not the first time, you know that.

but all i get is... NOTHING!
not even a word, i can take it if you're mad. but come on, bring the message across.
i'm starting to think how hard it is to deal with you. i hate the fact that you are a tad high-maint.
is this your way of punishing me? well, guess what, you're an inch in achieving your sweet success.

i know i don't deserve this. i'm aware that i should be the "bigger man", to be more open to understand. but where should i come from?!? gahd, the anguish. mental anguish.
i'm sure you haven't had enough, guess what... i'm even bothered in my sleep.

i had the weirdest of all dreams. twas so surreal. lucid in fact.
you were there, a rather familiar scenario. and some of our common links played a part.
and yes, i got the same cold treatment. i tried to shove it off.
gave you the distance, you obviously would want.
then poof, i awoke. time to get back to reality... sigh. heave a deep and heavy sigh.

for what it's worth, i won't bug you for as much time as you want.
i wouldn't want to appear like a pathetic schmuck, asking how things are.
i'm trying so hard not feel frustrated. gahd, it sucks to feel this way.
you know that i can take as much criticisms and outbursts.
but please, bring things to the table. no more mind games, if you'd consider it that.

for the record, i don't hate you.
i just hate what's going on. coz i obviously do not know what happened in between what?
you are still my dearest friend. i honestly recant our happy days together.
i look behind me when i walk in our common places, hoping i'll chance upon you...

i asked God to help me get through this.
i'm not used to being less confrontational, and be the "bigger man".
but i'm trying my best to be that.
coz i know how fragile you are, and i wouldn't want to add little cracks or further damage.
i want you to know that i'm sad. i feel it in the deepest pit of my stomach.
i have shed tears, hot tears. obsessive thoughts, recalling what i've done (i know i sound pathetic).

we all have quirks and mishaps, and i want you to know that despite such, i love you just the same.
i can only take in as much...

i just pray that things would be okay. and i mean, really okay.
sigh...

((I say: see, how i've been bothered that i finished this post, prioritized it over work. haaay, buhay))