(finally) it's out in the open...

just so we could get things out. in the open.
i've heard a lot of "news" flying here and there.
why do i feel like they'd want to be soo involved?

am i a public figure?
somesort of "celebrity"?
i'd want to laugh just thinking of it...

but at the back of mind, i felt i was stepping onto someone.
that person deserves to know. hear things straight from the horse's mouth.

today.
i've finally said it.
i've let it out my chest.
at around three in the afternoon.

i came up to his office. and blurted the truth.
it didn't happen as dramatic as i thought.
how should i explain things?
did it in a matter-of-fact-ly manner.

honestly, i felt what i did was a bit shallow and "meaningless"
it was as if i wasn't sincere. lacked the fervor to share my reason.
the "plan" was just hanging by the corner
and i chose today to put an end on things.

by doing that, i've finally set the finish line for my life at faraway land.

i was pained after dropping the bomb.
it was as if the conversation was metered.
i feared that i'd jerk a tear if i divulged.
i tried to keep a smile on my face.
uttered a polite, "thank you".
stood up and closed the door behind me.

i know i should feel relieved after the whole ordeal.
but sadness dawned on me. lingered for a time.
i cried. some of them saw the tears from my eyes.
i cried even more after talking to a trusty mentor.

i love my job. i loved my job. no doubt.
but i should save myself in the process.
save that glimmer of optimism that's clinging.
before i become jaded...

i'm not closing my doors
it's just that i need a breather from all these.
maybe i'd be back, only God knows when...

maybe. just maybe...